Law 13: When Asking for Help, Appeal to People’s Self-Interest, Never to Their Mercy or Gratitude — Meaning, Examples & How to Apply It
Executives discussing mutual benefit and self-interest in a dark modern boardroom for Law 13: Appeal to People’s Self-Interest.
People are more likely to help when they can clearly see why helping you also benefits them.
You need someone’s support.
Your instinct may be to remind them of everything you’ve done for them.
You appeal to loyalty.
You explain how badly you need their help.
You hope they’ll feel grateful, generous, or obligated.
Sometimes that works.
But there is often a stronger approach:
Show them why saying yes advances something they already want.
This is the central lesson behind Law 13: When Asking for Help, Appeal to People’s Self-Interest, Never to Their Mercy or Gratitude.
What Does “Appeal to People’s Self-Interest” Mean?
Law 13 means that when you need someone’s cooperation, your request becomes more persuasive when you connect it to their goals, incentives, problems, or interests rather than relying primarily on sympathy, gratitude, or past favors.
Instead of asking:
“Why should they help me?”
ask:
“Why would helping me make sense for them?”
Perhaps your proposal:
increases their revenue
saves them time
reduces their risk
strengthens their reputation
gives them access to something valuable
solves a problem
advances a shared objective
When the benefit is clear, cooperation no longer depends entirely on goodwill.
Your interests become aligned.
What Is Law 13 of the Laws of Power?
Law 13 is commonly summarized as:
When Asking for Help, Appeal to People’s Self-Interest, Never to Their Mercy or Gratitude.
The principle recognizes that people generally make decisions through their own priorities.
That doesn’t mean everyone is selfish in a crude sense.
Self-interest can include:
money
security
recognition
belonging
reputation
convenience
curiosity
influence
achievement
helping a cause they value
The mistake is assuming that what matters greatly to you automatically matters equally to the person you’re asking.
Strong persuasion begins by understanding their perspective.
Law 13 Does NOT Mean “Everyone Is Selfish”
People regularly help others without obvious personal gain.
They help friends.
They donate.
They volunteer.
They make sacrifices for people they love.
They act from principles.
Law 13 doesn’t deny altruism.
Instead, it asks a practical question:
When cooperation matters, why make your request depend entirely on altruism if you can identify a genuine mutual benefit?
Even apparently selfless behavior may align with someone’s deeper interests:
They want to protect someone.
They care about a cause.
They value fairness.
They want to live according to their principles.
Understanding motivation doesn’t make those motivations cynical.
It makes your request more relevant.
Law 13 Example: Asking Your Manager for a Raise
Suppose you tell your manager:
“I’ve worked here for three years. I’ve been extremely loyal. I really need more money.”
Those points may be true.
But they primarily describe your interests.
Now consider:
“Over the past year, I took responsibility for our largest client, reduced delivery time by 20%, and trained two new team members. I’d like to discuss adjusting my compensation to reflect the scope and results of the role.”
The second request gives the manager something they can evaluate in organizational terms.
You aren’t asking them to solve your financial problem.
You’re connecting compensation to value.
Law 13 Example: A Business Partnership
Imagine approaching another company with:
“We’re a small business and partnering with you would really help us grow.”
Why should they care?
Now consider:
“Our audience overlaps strongly with the customers you’re trying to reach. A partnership would give you access to that audience without increasing your acquisition budget.”
Same desired outcome.
Different framing.
The first explains why you need them.
The second explains why they might want you.
Law 13 Example: Asking a Busy Person for Advice
Suppose you contact an experienced executive:
“I’d love to pick your brain for an hour.”
You’re asking for something valuable—their time—while offering little context.
A stronger request might be:
“I’m testing two approaches to a problem you’ve written about extensively. I have one specific question about where they fail in practice. If useful, I’m happy to send you the results afterward.”
The request is smaller.
It respects their time.
And it connects with a subject they already care about.
Understanding the other person’s interests changes the quality of the ask.
Law 13 Example: Negotiation
Suppose you want a supplier to lower their price.
You could say:
“Our budget is tight. We really need a discount.”
That’s your problem.
Instead, perhaps you can offer:
“If we commit to twelve months and consolidate our orders with you, can you reduce the unit price?”
Now both sides receive something.
You receive a lower price.
The supplier receives greater volume and predictability.
The negotiation moves from mercy to exchange.
The Psychology Behind Law 13
People naturally evaluate requests through questions such as:
What does this cost me?
What do I gain?
What risk am I taking?
Why should I care?
What happens if I say no?
These questions may be explicit or unconscious.
A request becomes stronger when it answers them.
This is also why vague appeals to gratitude can be unreliable.
Past favors have already happened.
The person may value them differently than you do.
They may believe they have already reciprocated.
Or they may resent being reminded of an old favor as though it created permanent debt.
Current incentives are often easier to evaluate.
How to Apply Law 13 in Real Life
1. Understand What the Other Person Actually Wants
Before making your request, ask:
What matters to them right now?
It might be:
revenue
time
recognition
certainty
convenience
career advancement
reduced workload
access
influence
Don’t assume their priorities are identical to yours.
2. Translate Your Request Into Their Language
You may care about the technical elegance of your proposal.
Your manager may care about cost.
A customer may care about time.
An investor may care about growth.
A partner may care about access.
Present the same proposal in terms of the outcome most relevant to the decision-maker.
3. Make the Benefit Specific
Weak:
“This will be good for both of us.”
Stronger:
“This gives you access to our 20,000 existing customers without additional acquisition spend.”
Specific value is easier to evaluate.
4. Reduce the Cost of Saying Yes
Self-interest isn’t only about increasing rewards.
You can also reduce:
effort
uncertainty
time
financial exposure
reputational risk
Sometimes the best way to make someone cooperate is simply to make cooperation easier.
5. Don’t Lead With What You Need
Your need explains why you’re asking.
It doesn’t necessarily explain why they should agree.
Before sending an important request, examine how often it contains:
“I need…”
“I want…”
“It would help me…”
Then ask whether you’ve explained the other side’s benefit equally clearly.
6. Find Genuine Alignment
Don’t invent a fake benefit.
People eventually notice when:
“This is great for you!”
really means:
“This is great for me, and I’m trying to disguise it.”
Find an authentic intersection between your interests.
The strongest deal is one where both sides have a rational reason to want it.
7. Make Reciprocity Easy to Accept
Sometimes you’ve already helped someone.
Instead of saying:
“You owe me.”
you can still frame the new request around present value.
Past goodwill can open the conversation.
Current alignment can close it.
When Law 13 Can Backfire
Not every human interaction should become a transaction.
If a close friend is grieving and you ask:
“What’s in this for me?”
you’ve misunderstood the context entirely.
Relationships sometimes require generosity without calculation.
Likewise, excessive incentive-based thinking can make you appear manipulative.
People may begin wondering whether you ever do anything without expecting a return.
Law 13 is most useful when you’re seeking cooperation around a decision, especially where interests can genuinely be aligned.
It shouldn’t replace empathy, loyalty, or generosity.
Law 13 at Work
Workplaces are systems of competing and overlapping incentives.
Suppose you want another department to prioritize your project.
Saying:
“This is extremely important to my team.”
may not be enough.
Instead, identify what the project does for them.
Perhaps it:
reduces support tickets
eliminates manual work
improves a metric they own
reduces operational risk
helps them meet their own deadline
Now your project isn’t merely another demand on their time.
It advances one of their objectives.
Law 13 in Leadership
Leaders sometimes rely too heavily on authority:
“Do this because I said so.”
Authority can produce compliance.
Alignment can produce commitment.
A leader can instead explain:
why the objective matters
how success benefits the team
what problem it solves
what opportunity it creates
People don’t need to personally profit from every decision.
But understanding why an objective matters makes cooperation easier.
Law 13 in Sales
Poor sales pitches describe the seller.
“We’ve been in business for 15 years.”
“We have advanced technology.”
“We won an award.”
The customer is silently asking:
“What does that do for me?”
Strong selling translates features into outcomes.
Not:
“Our system uses automated processing.”
But:
“This removes approximately five hours of manual work each week.”
The feature belongs to you.
The benefit belongs to them.
Law 13 in Negotiation
Law 13 is particularly useful in negotiation because demands alone create resistance.
Instead of asking:
“What can I take?”
look for:
“What can I offer that costs me less than it is worth to them?”
Then look for something they can offer that has the reverse relationship.
This is how mutually beneficial trades become possible.
One side may value speed.
The other values price.
One values certainty.
The other values flexibility.
Different interests create room for agreement.
How Law 13 Connects to Other Laws
Law 8 — Make Other People Come to You:
Understanding what other people value allows you to create incentives that attract them rather than constantly chasing them.
Law 9 — Win Through Your Actions, Never Through Argument:
Demonstrating value can make your appeal to self-interest much more credible than merely promising benefits.
Law 11 — Learn to Keep People Dependent on You:
When you consistently provide something valuable, maintaining the relationship can become part of the other person’s self-interest.
Law 12 — Use Selective Honesty and Generosity:
Giving value first can establish goodwill. Law 13 then asks whether continued cooperation can also serve both sides’ interests.
Together, these Laws point toward a powerful principle:
Understand what people value, create genuine value around it, and make cooperation rational.
Law 13 in One Sentence
Appeal to People’s Self-Interest means making requests by showing how cooperation advances something the other person already values rather than relying primarily on pity, obligation, or gratitude.
Don’t only explain why you need the agreement.
Give them a reason to want it too.
Train Law 13 Until You Recognize the Situation
You want a raise.
Do you explain your financial needs or demonstrate the value you’ve created?
You need another team to prioritize your project.
Why should it matter to them?
You want a business partnership.
What does the other company gain?
Someone owes you a favor.
Do you invoke the debt or create a new reason for cooperation?
These situations require judgment about incentives, value, reciprocity, positioning, and mutual benefit.
Power Master 48 is an independent iOS and Android learning app designed to help users study, practice, and apply the Laws of Power through interactive scenarios, quizzes, study decks, audio narration, daily training, and progress tracking.
Instead of simply memorizing Law 13, you practice situations where the same request can succeed or fail depending on how well you understand the other person’s interests.
Final Thought
People understand their own problems better than they understand yours.
So when you need cooperation, begin there.
Understand what matters to the other person.
Find the point where your interests genuinely overlap.
Then make that value easy to see.
Don’t merely give people a reason to help you.
Give them a reason to want the same outcome.